In slow transit.

I'm seeing transition more these days as a process that begins when you initiate or cause movement. It's easy, of course, on a train to recognise that you are moving, in transit, when the scenery changes. In imperceptibly slow transit we can become impatient, fractious and crave even a tiny sign that we are getting somewhere! Anything other than to be feeling stuck like a passenger on a train that has stopped while the driver is having a break.

A number of medical studies and practitioners ask about the use of alcohol, prescribed or non-prescription drugs. In one such study of 435 individuals 29% of the male-to-female and 26% of the female-to-males reported past substance abuse as a result of trying to ease the pain of their dilemma and deal with dysphoria. Most of the individuals with previous substance abuse problems reported having had depression brought about by feeling isolated, unable to talk to others, feeling rejected by family or an intimate partner, or feeling disgust with their anatomic state and feeling that it could never change (1).

I like driving the train myself so my theory is that if you feel you are making any sort of progress then you will experience less severe dysphoria. Currently for me signs of progress have included losing the first 2lbs of more excess weight than I'd like to admit to. I plan on having chest reconstruction and surviving the anaesthetic to enjoy taking my shirt off when I want to feel the breeze.




One thing that had caused a niggle of social dysphoria was the idea that I was now "a" transsexual, Odd, maybe but  "transsexual" isn't my identity, to me it is a diagnosable condition. I see myself as having been in transit from being Myself as a child to myself now and feel that I'm still in slow transit. The train is slow, it may stop for a while, then set off again but I am still in transit.



(1). Cole, C.M.,  O'Boyle, M., Emory, L.E. Meyer, W.J. "Comorbidity of gender dysphoria and other major psychiatric diagnoses"  2004. http://gendersanctuary.com/pdf/TScomorbidity.pdf